Cupcakes and Conclusions

When my dog has a thorn in his paw, he is very careful not to let us see it, see him in pain or see him licking it. But, in a one bedroom apartment there are only so many places to have any secret moments. We tend to catch him. Laying in his corner. Curled up tightly around his paw. Nursing his wound. Trying to fix it on his own.

I find people to be the same way. Well, to be more specific, I find myself to behave the same. (Note: my last blog entry was in November 12, 2009.) And if you could see into my one bedroom apartment (and thank God you can't because that would be creepy), you would have found me in the corner nursing my wounds and pretending it didn't bother me much. If you got closer, you would have seen a full on pity party.

The fact is the marathon was in the top five experiences of my life. But it also created the greatest amount of lasting pain I've ever experienced. From a severely sprained tendon in my right foot and ankle to a left leg that remains severely angry, I have not been in any shape to run. So, I've been pouting. And baking. This is not a good combination.

It has been 11 weeks since I crossed the finish line. Eleven weeks of pouting and baked goods. It's not a pretty sight. Well, actually, some of my cupcakes were pretty adorable. But I digress. The clothes in my closet that no longer fit aside, I miss running. I miss the 3 hour runs that let me clear my head. I miss how inspired running makes me feel. I miss how good it feels to get in 14 miles on a Saturday morning, and be home and showered before most people have started their day.

Eleven weeks and several dozen cupcakes later, I've finally come to some conclusions:

Substitutions are allowed.

I make substitutions when I bake (applesauce for oil, honey for sugar, etc) so why don't I allow it for my running? I may not have any applesauce in the cabinet, but I do have pumpkin. So I can use pumpkin, instead of applesauce that I was going to use instead of oil. And it turns out the pumpkin is better for me anyway. I can't run pain free right now. But an elliptical feels okay, and walking actually makes the pain hurt less. (Really, Erica, it took you 11 weeks to figure this out?)

Sitting gets you nowhere.

I took a couple baking classes at Kiss My Bundt Bakery. And Chrysta, the owner, teaches about how baking is a science. As you mix all the ingredients chemical reactions take place. (That's my abbreviated version. Take one of her classes for the real what what.) One night I made too much cake batter and didn't get around to baking it for days. Lesson learned: You can't let mixed batter sit for days on end. The cake will get dense. Very dense. You also can't let a runner sit for a weeks on end without running, or moving, or stretching. She will get dense. Very dense.

Find your happy place.

When you hide yourself in a corner and pout for weeks on end, you tend to forget the moments that make you happiest. I had to move my itunes files this week to a new computer. It took less than 2 minutes of my marathon mix to play before I felt inspired all over again, to feel the spirit of the runner in me again. Find that trigger for yourself. The one thing that makes you feel inspired, brings motivation or gives you sight of reaching your goal. Hold onto it. And move forward.

Maybe I'm Crazy...

When I tell people that I'm training for a marathon, they often respond with a look of -why? Or, more often - you are outta yo mind fool.

Tonight as I got ready for bed...at 10pm on a friday night...applied a cup full of bengay to my left leg... following an hour with the foam roller... took advil to ease the pain... layed out bengay patches to adhere pre-run... set my alarm for 5am (on saturday morning)...looked in the mirror and said I can do 22 miles....frankly I started to see their point.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

My Milkshake....

Following a pretty miserable (more to come on that in another blog) 11 mile run this morning, I was pleased to discover (from my friend Melissa) that today is National Chocolate Milkshake Day. I'm not going to question why it exists.

If I was on the East Coast, I'd hit up Bruster's - my favorite chocolate milkshake, without question. Here on the west coast the solid choice was In-N-Out. Only complaint - just 1 size option which I like to call "not big enough."

P.S. If you want to celebrate Chocolate Milkshake Day but are watching your calorie intake, check out this recipe from Hungry Girl!

Rhythm of the beat

There is a debate in the running community over music – ipod or not to ipod. My brother is firmly in the not to ipod camp. He has been running since he was 8, maybe younger. He started to run pre-ipod, pre-mp3, pre-discman, pre-walkman….sorry bro, not meaning to make you look old, technology has just progressed quite a bit. When I first started to run, Travis encouraged me to train without music. His number one argument – you begin to depend on it. Kicking the dirt. It’s a valid point. Wait a second. Here’s mine – I’m running for multiple hours! I’ve earned the right to rock-a-beat.

For those of you who stand with me on the pro-tunes side of the running trail, you understand that a good playlist is essential. I hate wasting $1 (well now, $1.29) on songs that I ultimately skip every run. After a year of running with the same playlist, I’ve recently divided my lists up to fit the mood, length or speed of my run. My brother just cringed. Not only do I have music, but I've custom fit it to my runs.

My taste in music is all over the place, so try and keep up!

Easy Run: This is typically used for my recovery run, or an early morning, girl-needs-to-clear-her-head run. Slow, easy, mellow. These are all tunes that put me in a happy place.

• Go Ahead – Alicia Keyes
• I Need You – Alicia Keyes
• No One – Alicia Keyes
• You Picked Me – A Fine Frenzy
• Come On, Come Out – A Fine Frenzy
• Love Song – Sara Bareilles
• Lifesize – A Fine Frenzy
• Past in Present – Fesit
• 1234 – Feist
• Pocketful of Sunshine – Natasha Bedingfield
• Heads Carolina, Tails California* – Jo Dee Messina *yes, it’s random with these others, but holds significant personal meaning!
• Everybody’s Free (to feel good) – The Hit Crew
• Beautiful Day – U2

Pick up the Pace: This is my most used playlist. It’s happy and light, yet motivating. I use it to start out a long run, or to do my mid-week mileage.

• Pocketful of Sunshine – Natasha Bedingfield
• Love Song – Sara Bareilles
• For the Actor – Mates of State
• Dream Vacation – The Maybellines
• Bad Education – Tilly and the Wall
• On Top – The Killers
• Change Your Mind – The Killers
• Over My Head – The Fray
• Inside Out – Eve 6
• Smile Like You Mean It – The Killers
• How Far We’ve Come – Matchbox Twenty
• Just the Girl – The Click Five
• I Just Wanna Live – Good Charlotte
• Human – The Killers
• Mr. Brightside – The Killers
• Stay With You – The Goo Goo Dolls
• Viva La Vida – Coldplay
• Beautiful Day – U2

* a good portion of this mix is the work of DJ Master Mix of Indie Rock Lauren Gibson

Kick It: I go to this playlist when I need some extra motivation on an afternoon or evening run, or if I have to move my run indoors to a treadmill.

• Family Affair – Mary J Blige
• I Just Wanna Live – Good Charlotte
• Crazy – Gnarls Barkley
• Who Knew – P!nk
• Hollywood – Collective Soul
• Don’t Stop the Music – Rihanna
• American Boy – Estelle
• Shake It – Metro Station
• Y Yo Sigo Aqui - Paulina Rubio
• One Step At a Time – Jordin Sparks – don’t judge me.
• Girlfriend – Avril Lavigne -ibid.
• Sugar, We’re Goin Down – Fall Out Boy
• Don’t Funk With My Heart – Black Eyed Peas

Highlights from my Marathon Mix: some of my favorites from my Marathon Mix that aren’t listed above

• Pony (It’s Ok) – Erin McCarley this was a free download of the week and I LOVE it!
• Dirty Living – Brendan James
• The One I’m Waiting For – Relient K
• Who I Am Hates Who I’ve Been – Relient K
• Dare You To Move – Switchfoot
• Open Skies – David Crowder Band

Purchase pending my next itunes gift card:

• Use Somebody – Kings of Leon
• I Gotta Feelin – Black Eyed Peas
• Sex on Fire – Kings of Leon
• Please Don’t Leave Me – P!nk
• Don’t Stop Believin – Journey
• Boom Boom Pow – Black Eyed Peas
• Super Massive Black Hole – Muse
• Love Story – Taylor Swift *I know. I just can’t help it.

If I am in a store, driving my car, wherever and I hear any of these songs, I feel compelled to run. What music moves you? What's on your playlist?

- thanks to Richelle for asking what was on my playlist!

Hey 19, Kiss This!

After feeling so great about my 19 mile run, I decided to hit up a bakery that I've been following on twitter for a mouthwatering long time. Kiss My Bundt. She had me at her pun. Plus, the word bundt reminds me of my dear friend Jodie, and how whenever we say Bundt (which comes up more often than one would think) we STILL reenact the scene from My Big Fat Greek Wedding. And still find it hilarious, every time!

I met up with my friend Melissa, who had run 9 miles that morning. I tasted a slice of the "Big Ol' Bundt" of the day, and Melissa had the Red Velvet mini-bundt. mmm.mmm. My slice was the most seriously moist cake that I believe I've ever had.

Clearly, it wasn't fair for me to leave Seth out. He'd run 19 miles too. I'm a giver, what can I say. And, I needed to justify seconds. So, I got a box of 4 mini-bundts to take home. Carrot Cake, Cookies & Cream, Lemon & Red Velvet. Our personal opinion... the red velvet and cookies and cream were the best of this foursome.

Craving some Red Velvet? The LA Times recently posted Kiss My Bundt's Red Velvet Recipe.

Tête-á-Tête on Nineteen

Saturday was a BIG day for me. Nineteen big ones were on my marathon training schedule. Longest mileage of my life. The legend that most first time marathoners hit their wall at 18 the first time through, was hanging heavily in my mind. At the same time, there were (and still are) fires in the Los Angeles area. I convinced myself that the air quality would be deemed too poor for such long mileage. However, as I made my way to training, I could clearly see blue skies. I arrived at my standard time, approximately 11 minutes late, and joined the group mid-stretch. I was just in time to hear that 19 miles was still up for the running. Oh….. Goody.

For the first 6 miles of my course, I looked, well sniffed, for any excuse to call it off. To my dismay, I mean, uh, excitement…. the park had the usual scent – cut grass, tilled dirt, fresh horse manure, and a slight whiff of skunk. Mmmm. Breathe that in deep. Not even a hint of smoke.

Six miles turned into 12, and a switch flipped in my brain. I became determined to finish before the winds changed, moving the smoke onto my route and cutting off my run. I was focused, and suddenly I wanted to run this entire 19 mile route. 4 hours and 8 minutes (I never said I was fast!) after I tried to find a reason to quit, I ran back to the cheers of my teammates, having completed my first 19 miles.

My friend Maricia has asked me, what do you think about when you are running for so long? Indeed. That is a lot of conversation with yourself. But, some good stuff comes out of it that tends to apply to more than just my running.

Take the labels off. 19 miles sounds long. But, it isn’t as scary when I think of it as – Hill Loop, Out and Back, Reverse Hill Loop, Water Stop and Back. If I take it in pieces, and take the label of “long” off, take the number off, it becomes attainable.

Mini-Goals are Less Scary. On our route there is a big hill. Bertha. The Beast. THE hill is a hefty and steep one. Early in my training my friend Lori told me to focus on the hydrants. There are fire hydrants, at a somewhat equal distance apart, all the way up the hill. I run to one, walk to the next, run to one, walk to the next. Focusing on mini-goals gets me to the top without injury, without feeling defeated, and without doubt.

Believe in yourself. Determination is a funny thing. It really moves you forward, but it also forces you to really believe in yourself. This week I did, and it made all the difference.

P.S. There is no such thing as too much bengay. And, never underestimate the power of ice.

Desserts and Indecision

I like options. Okay, correction. I LOVE options. Why be so narrow and focused? Options give you the chance to explore alternatives without making a specific commitment. P.S. - This side of me drives my husband crazy! It's inherited, I can't help it. My family's favorite meal is Brunch - the meal of indecision. It's not lunch. It's not breakfast. It's one giant option. And really, few things make us happier.

As I prepare for my first 19 mile run this Saturday, I'm considering my options. Not of my route, my coach will tell me where to run. More importantly, I'm considering dessert. I feel that 19 miles is a huge accomplishment and should be rewarded a such. My dessert motivator must be worthy of completing 19 miles. As of right now, I am lost on a buffet of options:

What dessert is worthy of 19 miles?

Should I bake a dessert myself?

Do I go back to get a dessert in LA that I know I love, or do I branch out and try something new?

I am lost in my indecision, which is the downside of operating in options.

Help me find my way! Please leave suggestions, links or comments below!

Sing Out Loud! just not in front of your brother’s cute best friend

When I was in the 7^th grade, my family was living in Newport, R.I. I love this town. We were living in one of those charming little duplexes that can only be found in New England. My room was smaller (my brother always tricked me out of the bigger room), at the back of the house on the second floor, and closest to the bathroom with the claw tub. Sigh. What I wouldn’t give for a claw foot tub.

During these years, I was incredibly awkward, shy, and had little self-confidence. My brother was the opposite, in my eyes at least. He was COOL! And, a popular athlete, which for the little sister meant he had very cute soccer player friends.

So, one day I’m in my room. Home. Alone. And taking advantage of it. I put my favorite (cough) cassette tape in to do the kind of singing you only do when you are home alone (or that later in life you will do, in your car, with your college roommate and fake microphones). The song of choice – Debbie Gibson “Lost In Your Eyes” from the Out of the Blue album. I rocked that mother. Heart. Soul. And High Notes. It was so good in fact, that I hit stop to rewind and do an encore. I was that good. (in my mind of course)

As the rewinding of the cassette player whirred, I hear a voice. My brother. “Erica?” Well that’s embarrassing. Nothing worse than someone overhearing your soul solo. However, the next, crawl into a hole, sentence came from none other than my brothers bestie, Shawn.

Shawn was THAT guy – the perfect mix of hottie, handsome and adorable, lovable, approachable guy next door, make you forget what you were saying the minute before, brother’s friend that you have a secret crush on. Yup. That guy.

So there I am, post house is empty solo, and the guy I can hardly say an intelligent sentence in front of, says, “Breaking the windows up there, huh Erica?” M.O.R.T.I.F.I.C.A.T.I.O.N. Where in heaven’s name do I crawl up and die? I couldn't even come up with a dignified response. In fact, I don’t remember if I ever answered. I just remember that I jumped into my bed and pulled the covers up over my head (because clearly it had the power to make me invisible), begging to rewind the last 5 minutes of my life.

This memory was all I could think about this morning on my run. Since my birthday run, I've taken up the regular habit of singing at random while running. It’s no Debbie Gibson solo, but it gets me through the next few miles. The fact is, I can't listen to "Are We Human or Are We Dancers" and not sing. It's impossible. And that goes for most of the other songs on my playlist. At one point this morning, several cyclists riding past me gave me the WTH look. I just smiled. I really didn’t care.

Sometimes a girl has just got to sing.

Tasty Eight

Eight Easy Miles. Two Delicious Cupcakes. One Happy Saturday.

from Yummy Cupcakes - Red Velvet with 1/2 Cocoa, 1/2 Cream Cheese Frosting for me

and Summer Lemonade for Seth

Playtime

Ask any elementary school kid what their favorite part of the school day is, and 98% of them will say Recess!* (*This statistic has no scientific value or proof and should not be used for research.) And ask any adult what their favorite day of the week is, and 98% of the answers will relate to the weekend.* Does anyone really like to work? True, you may like your work and love the work you do, but when Friday rolls around, be honest, you're happy to close up shop. We need time to play!

I was thinking about this after my run Tuesday night. To be honest, I wasn't really looking forward to the run. My left leg has really taken a beating during this marathon training. The biting pain in my left hamstring was not motivating me towards a workout. But, I had told my friend Melissa that I would meet up with her and a group from a local running store for a 5 or 6 mile run.

The great thing about running with friends, even if you only pass

each other on your route - is that it takes the "work" out of it and makes it social. Because I was having so much fun running, talking, joking and laughing with this group, I forgot it was a workout! I forgot my pain, forgot that I "had" to do 6 miles, and I started to want to do 6 miles. (although technically my route ended me at 5.6 miles)

The second best thing about a social run is dinner after! Eight of

us went around the corner to a Pizza place for pizza, salad and beer. I got to know 5 new people that night. Got in 6 miles. And of course, ordered dessert.

Dressing Out

I hated P.E. in high school. HATED. P.E. As if I wasn’t awkward enough in high school, P.E. brought every one of my insecurities into the open like one of those magnifying mirrors that we all love and hate. At our high school, we had to “dress out” for gym. Dressing out equaled a pair of very long, green and gold, scratchy synthetic shorts and a grey t-shirt. Of course, there were some girls who managed to make this drab, baggy poly-blend look cute. Regrettably, I was not one of them. Already feeling “less than,” this uniform only added to the problem. The phrase “look good, feel good” can also be the opposite. “Look bad, feel worse.”

Dressed in this sorry get-up, we were led out to a track like lambs to the slaughter. Too dramatic? You weren’t there. You don’t know. We were forced to do “fitness tests,” and I was not fit. We had to do sit-ups, sprints, pull-ups, push-ups and run that blessed mile around the track. I hated that friggin mile. I would almost always come in last. I hated to run, and actually refused to do it. Instead I walked the whole thing, cursing under my breath.

The truth of it is that I believed that I hated to run. And to dig deep into my teenage psyche, my insecurities about myself generated the lie that I was not capable of such a task. But I was, and I am. A year ago I found out that I can run, that I can finish races, and that in fact, I really, really like it. I don't have to be the fastest, or the smallest, or have done the most races. I just have to run. Just for me.

Today I ran 16 miles. SIX.TEEN. miles. So, Take That Coach, whatever your name was, that frowned at me for my 16 minute walk around the track! There were several points on this morning's run that I thought I couldn’t make it. That I wanted to stop and hitchhike back to my car. The insecure girl in the ugly uniform would have stopped, but I’m not that girl anymore. Instead I believe that, in the words of my husband, or whoever it is that he is quoting, “You can choose to be the victim. Or you can choose to be anything else you want to be.”

I choose to be a runner.

And, I run for dessert.

Today's dessert:

Red Velvet Whoopie Pie from Alcove Cafe in Los Feliz, CA

*I am 11 short weeks away from my first marathon. On October 25^th, I will cross the finish line of a 26.2 mile race.

My Birthday P.R.*

*for you non-runners or newbie runners, P.R. is runner speak for personal record

I typically love my birthday. LOVE. Love. Love. My birthday. This year, not so much. As the day approached, I had a solid mix of let’s pretend this isn’t happening and please let me wallow in my self-loathing & self-pity. I was not fun to be around. It all came to a head at about 9:30pm PT on my birthday-eve.

I was sitting on the couch in my Eyore state, when my text message alert chimed. It was a “happppppyyyyy birthday!!! I LOVE YOU!” text from my mamma. She, very sweetly and innocently, had stayed up until midnight to wish me a happy birthday. Something in the past, that would’ve made me smile, put on a tiara and deem myself a birthday princess. But, not this night. This night went something like this. My brain begins to register the text. On the east coast, it was now my birthday. On the east coast, I was now – thirty-ONE. No longer the mile marker of 30, I was now IN my THIRTIES. And, that’s when I broke. Heart wrenching, crocodile teared, gasping for breath, fetal position crying had commenced. I am thirty-ONE.

My husband was in the shower and totally unsuspecting that the birthday depression had moved to full breakdown. He knew I was in a delicate state, but it had turned epic with one text. Upon exiting the shower, he hears the sobs. He comes over to me. Hugs me. (I’ve tried to train him. No questions. No fixes. Hugs first. Then gently, gently begin to tiptoe towards asking questions. He did good.)

“What happened,” he asks trying hard to control the my wife has lost her mind tone in his voice. I respond with a high-pitched sequence of words, made completely unintelligible by the sobs between each one. I try again. “I’m thirteeee ONE (gasp for breath) on (hiccup) the (gasp for breath) east (sob) coast.” More crying. More hugging. I don’t’ see his face, but I’m pretty sure he’s trying not to laugh. Finally he says, (in the same voice your mom used when you woke up with a nightmare and she brought you a sip of water,) “why don’t you go take a shower. You’ll feel better.” I cried in the shower. I cried out of the shower. He hugged me again. And, I finally sob out “I just want to go for a run.” In that moment of my despair, the only thing that could possibly make me feel better was a run. It was 10:30pm. He sweetly asks, “Do you think you can wait for the morning.”

I couldn’t get out of the house fast enough the next morning. Headed to my favorite route, I started to run it out. I began to feel better as Alicia Keyes, Feist, and The Killers, helped me clear my head. And then, at mile 4 Matchbox Twenty pulled me out of my funk with “How Far We’ve Come.” Have I accomplished all that I want to in my life? No. Am I where I want to be? Not necessarily. “Oh Well. I guess we’re gonna find out. Let’s see how far we’ve come.” I smiled. I played the air drums. (No kidding. I really did.) I sang out loud. I didn’t care who was watching. This was my moment of clarity. I am where I am. I can either be disappointed by it, or accept it, and focus on what I have done and far I have come.

Mile 5 rocked.

I returned home ready to embrace my 31^st birthday. My husband treated me with the best gift ever – a day of dessert. It was a 6-dessert day. My best dessert P.R.

Dessert #1 - Post-Brunch

Nutella and Bannana Waffle at Tart

you had me at nutella.

Dessert #2 - mid-afternoon snack

this was Buttermilk Cake with Chocolate Frosting - Joan's on Third

tasted like a slice of grandma's house. a cold glass of milk would have made it perfection.

Dessert # 3 - post dinner dessert

Red Velvet Ding-Dong - Aroma Cafe

good. sweet. heavens. a square of perfection. moist red velvet cake with a light, creamy frosting between layers, encased in solid milk chocolate.

Dessert #4, 5 & 6 - bedtime snack

Lemon Cupcake, Raspberry and Vanilla Cupcake, Chocolate Cupcake with Marshmallow Center - Joan's On Third

incredibly rich, but delicious cupcakes. so rich, we could only eat a couple of bites of each one. seth fell in love with the lemon cupcake.